So, a few things I learned today: setting the perfect fudge on top of the perfect caramel would almost be a viable option in an attempt to save counter space, except that the weight of the fudge might displace the semi-soft caramel and sink into it, leaving a permanent tinfoiled impression into the once flawless surface of the caramel. Now it's like a caramel bathtub, with flecks of torn tinfoil scattered on the surface like festive holiday confetti. lesson 2: substituting mayonnaise for eggs in gingerbread dough is not recommended. especially when one is not rolling pin inclined anyway. the recipe for disaster was almost compensated for by begging ridiculously thick gingerbread house pieces from counter to tray to oven, overbaking them intensely, praying for solidarity that the chemical makeup couldn't offer, and then covering the whole thing with caramelized sugar glue as reinforcing steel casing. It almost looks good. for a third world hovel constructed out of cow dung, peed upon by several dehyrated dogs and having all of the contents of a six year old's halloween bag vomited onto it.

Another good lesson, which is one that I of all people should understand, is that age does not necessitate maturity, as the very stupid 34 year old boy that I stranded downtown on a would be date last week, is haunting me with vain threats of identity theft, and hurling insult attempts in the form of "you weren't even worth the gas to drive down there, fatty" (spelling and punctuation have been revised for easier interpretation), which was apparently the worst thing he could think to say to the mother of four children. Needless to say I didn't respond. But I did learn a lesson: all boys are stupid.

I also learned that the more well hydrated one keeps wiener dogs, the more frequent the pee spot occurrences on the rug. The good news in this lesson is that said urine spots are very clear and watery as the dogs are well hydrated, and easy to clean up, or hide under little rugs, whichever is the most appropriate application.

I got a call today from Dan - my old boss. He offered me work back at the hardware store. As reluctant as I am to return to northport for many many reasons, I feel a sense of relief as I see a door opening. Maybe it is the wrong door, but is the first open door I have seen for a very long time, and I am excited to think that maybe somehow it will lead to something better. If I can just sort through the myriad of choices that this move involves.